HOW THINGS ARE

MY LIFE

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:07:54 GMT

My Life

My name is Jessica Frey and I am 20 years old and I have been through so much at my tender age. I had so many emotions that I felt like my mind and body was beginning to fall into a state of euphoria. I felt like I was trapped and there was no where to escape to. What I mean is, I have been through some really hard times in my life and every time I hit a "bump" or a hurdle, there was never any way or any where I could run and hide or make my problems disappear. So, even though I was scared or sad, I always had to face my problems head on without looking back. I know how life can be a struggle because I started struggling when I was born and haven’t had a "break" since then. I was born with Cerebral Palsy and I’ve been wheelchair bound since age five. Everyone says to me, "It must be fun being in a wheelchair because you get to sit all the time." Whenever someone says that, I say to them, "Try sitting in it almost all day, everyday and then tell me if it’s still fun." Sitting all day, everyday is definitely more painful than standing and sitting periodically. Having a physical disability is hard, but I deal with it. My struggle was just beginning. There is something that happened to me at the tender age of twelve, almost thirteen that changed my life forever, I was diagnosed with a type of cancer called T-Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. That word will never leave my mind. When the doctors told me I had cancer, voices kept echoing inside my head. "Cancer? Why did God do this to me wasn’t being disabled hard enough? I thought for a moment. "God would not give me anything I couldn’t handle," I thought to myself, but then why did He take great-grandma from me if He knew this would happen?" My great-grandma was my hero and I admired her mostly for her "fighting Irish spirit." She left me for "her house in the sky" just before I was diagnosed. She left me on February 16^th, 1999, and I was diagnosed on February 3^rd of 2000. After two and a half years of crying, fighting, chemotherapy, and three months in the hospital, it was over! I had won! The cancer was gone and I was finally free from all the tears and sadness. This happened on the glorious day of April 17^th, 2002. After that, I took a deep breath and before I knew it, I was headed for a new challenge that all teenagers face, HIGH SCHOOL! While I was in high school, I had a pretty easy life until my freshman or sophomore year, I can’t really remember when it was. One morning, I brought a bunch personal documents to school to apply for a job. One was in an envelope, and I didn’t even ask why, because I knew that the document was private and wasn’t something that the whole world needed to know about or see. Well, after a few minutes, my paraprofessional came out of the main office, with the original and copied documents in hand. I noticed that the envelope was nowhere to be found. Without thinking, my para-professional put the documents on my tray. I glanced down at the top paper on my tray, and I started freaking out. Turns out, the man that I thought was my dad, wasn’t my biological father. At that point, I was heartbroken. I went on living my life as best as I could. I wasn’t angry with anyone, I was angrier at the fact that I found out accidently. I don’t much about the "sperm donor" who was my real father. I do know that I would never trade my dad in for anything, even though sometimes he can be a hard-ass. Everyday, I try to go on having an optimistic outlook. Most people say I have a great outlook on life. Knowing that I have been through so much in only my 19 years of life makes it easier to deal with any other hurdles that I may be forced to face in the future. The people who know me always say I’m an inspiration to everyone around me. I hope I will still be an inspiration to the people whose path I cross in the future. I went through a lot in my short lifetime. Throughout it all, I had the next best thing, family and friends, and nothing tops that and I’m still going strong.

THE END

ANNIVERSARY POEM (LAST YEAR)

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:04:27 GMT

We’ve been together for three years
We’ve shared lots of laughter and many tears
You were the one who made me forget all of my fears and told me you’d always be here. We first met in high school and I always knew I’d be with you. I keep thinking of my perfect dream, but I realized every time that you are perfect for me. Every time I was with another guy I couldn’t keep you out of my mind. You are truly one of a kind. I never thought my dreams would come true, but they did when I found you. It’s obvious that is more than just love, because you are the man I’ve always dreamed of. I want this relationship to keep going strong, and hope that we can be together forever. I love you baby, forever and true, so Happy three year Anniversary to you.
Love always & forever,
Jessica

HOW THINGS ARE

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:59:58 GMT

1/5/08
Dear Journal,
Well, where should I start? Lets see….Christmas was awesome, I got tons of stuff. I loved everything I got, but I also got something very special! I got a diamond ring from my boyfriend, Shayne who I finally got to see on January 3^rd after not being able to see him for over two and a half months! No, its not an engagement ring…not yet anyway. I have a feeling we’ll be getting engaged over the next year or year and a half. We’ll see what happens….all fingers crossed! Anyway, over Christmas, my whole family (on my mom’s side) went to see the movie Alvin and the Chipmunks. Boy, it was freaking hilarious!! My 11-year old sister, Kassi got me a necklace that says "survivor" on it and my 5 year old Goddaughter, Alexa bought me a gingerbread man ornament for my Christmas tree. Both Kassi and Alexa bought them with their own money. How cute is that? Kassi finally found out about the family secret. They were mad because I told my sister the truth. They said it wasn’t my place to tell her. I felt that she deserved to know and she shouldn’t have to wait to know the truth, like I was forced to. My mom and dad were mad at me because I got my boyfriend a Christmas present after not seeing or hearing from him for a long time. I didn’t care though. I still love him no matter what. We’ve been together since my junior year in high school—that’s 3 years and 7 months for us and I am not letting him go because we both only want each other and no one else. We’re meant to be and that’s all there is to it! He’s my everything.
Anyway, as you know, Karen is still acting like a freaking juvenile. No surprise there though. She’s been acting that way since she moved in here in May. She’s freaking psycho and treats me and my cat like shit. No one cares, though. I’m 20 she’s 61!!! That’s a 41-year age difference!! The village lied and told me she was 40. I hate her and I don’t care if she’s a stroke victim, you don’t have the right to treat people shitty or make them feel shitty, just because you think you are better than they are. I hope she gets out quick because she’s Satan. Thank God for my friends and my aides Allison & Kathy or I’d kill her! Kathy and Allison are two of the greatest aides I’ve ever had! Kathy is like a mom to me & Allison is like an older sister to me. They both treat me great and are always a total blast to hang with. They give me awesome advice and they are like my adopted relatives. Besides my family, they are my heroes and always will be! Today was my daddy’s 40^th birthday and my mom had a surprise birthday party for him but unfortunately I wasn’t able to be there but I’m sure he was surprised! Until next time….

NIGHTMARE

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 20:57:59 GMT

Dear Diary,
I cannot even begin to tell you how many issues I’m having. My back hurts worse than it ever has before. I’ve been sick since last Sunday and I didn’t get up until Thursday. I went to the doctors on Friday and all they could do was give me MORE FREAKING MEDICATION and referred me to NBGH. Now, I have to wait until they call me for an appointment. I don’t know how much longer I can take this freaking pain! I DON’T WANT TO BE ON MEDICATION ANYMORE! I WANT EVERYONE TO STOP REFERRING TO ME AS THE FREAKING "HUMAN DRUGSTORE!" My teacher is freaking pissing me off by saying I should drop her class because of my "health issues." I AM NOT STUPID AND SHE’S A CRAZY LUNATIC JUST LIKE MY F***ING ROOM MATE WHO NEEDS TO LEAVE THIS PLACE BEFORE I STRANGLE HER!! My dad’s family came today and fucking room mate decided to pick a fight w/my dad and she f***ing disrespected my family and I NEVER disrespect her family when they are here…….GOD WHAT F***ING A NIGHTMARE!!